Peter asks Jesus a very human question today: “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?”

Peter wants a number. Jesus gives him a way of life.

But perhaps some of us listening today have a more difficult question: “Lord, why should I forgive when I am the one who was hurt?” That question deserves to be respected.

Some wounds are small. But some wounds are very deep. Betrayal. Infidelity. Abuse. Humiliation. Injustice. Being abandoned by someone you trusted. Being cheated by someone you helped. Words spoken against you that you can never forget.

So when we preach about forgiveness, we should be careful not to make it sound easy. Jesus asks us to forgive, but He does not ask us to pretend that the wound did not hurt.

Why, then, should we forgive?

Because forgiveness is not only a gift we give to the person who hurt us. It is also a gift we give to ourselves.

Sirach tells us today: “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.”

What an image: we hug our anger. We carry it with us.

Imagine picking up a heavy rock every morning and carrying it wherever you go. You bring it to work. You bring it to meals. You bring it to bed. You even bring it to church.

After many years, the person who hurt you may have moved on. But you are still carrying the rock. That is what resentment can do.

Sometimes we think that by refusing to forgive, we are punishing the other person. But often, we are the ones who continue to suffer.

Forgiveness is putting the rock down.

It does not mean saying, “What you did was okay.” It was not okay.

It does not mean forgetting. Some wounds leave scars.

It does not always mean reconciliation. Trust may need to be rebuilt, and in abusive or dangerous situations, healthy boundaries and justice may still be necessary.

Forgiveness simply means: “I will no longer allow what you did to control my heart and determine the rest of my life.”

And to those who are badly hurt and say, “Bishop, I want to forgive, but I cannot,” I would say: Do not force yourself to feel something you do not yet feel.

Begin with honesty before God. Say: “Lord, I am angry. I am hurt. I cannot forgive yet. But I want to want to forgive. Please heal my heart.”

That itself can already be the beginning of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is sometimes not a single moment. Sometimes it is a journey. Today you put the rock down. Tomorrow, the memory comes back and you pick it up again. Then put it down again. And again. And again. Until one day, by the grace of God, you discover that the rock is no longer in your hands.

And there is another reason we forgive. Jesus reminds us in today’s Gospel that we ourselves have been forgiven much.

Before we say, “Lord, look at what that person did to me,” perhaps we should also remember, “Lord, look at how many times You have forgiven me.”

We forgive not because the other person deserves forgiveness. We forgive because we ourselves live every day by the mercy of God.

Forgiveness begins with one step

There is a beautiful story about Corrie ten Boom, a Christian woman who survived the Nazi concentration camps. Her sister died there. Years after the war, Corrie was speaking in Germany about God’s forgiveness.

After her talk, a man approached her. She recognized him. He had been one of the guards in the concentration camp.

He extended his hand and asked for her forgiveness.

Corrie later admitted that she could not move. The memories returned—the humiliation, the suffering, her sister’s death.

She did not feel forgiveness. So silently she prayed: “Jesus, help me. I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.”

And she slowly extended her hand.

That is forgiveness.

Final Words

Sometimes forgiveness begins not because the pain has disappeared, but because we decide to place the pain into the hands of God.

My dear brothers and sisters, perhaps there is a rock you have been carrying for a long time. You do not have to pretend it is light. You do not have to pretend it did not hurt. But today, ask Jesus for the grace to begin putting it down.

Forgiveness does not change the past. But, by God’s grace, it can change your future.

Do not allow yesterday’s wound to imprison tomorrow’s life. Put the rock down. And let God set your heart free.